Monday, March 10, 2008

this spud's for you

I have famously opined that potato bugs are so ugly they will make you cry. Inexplicably, this fact came up in Quinn's therapy appointment today, and I declared, with great gusto and authority, that these insect-like demons are too awful to behold. Anthony, the therapist, looked at me with the same quizzical expression I've seen on the faces of so many native Oregonians. The reason being that Oregonians call sow bugs "potato bugs," for some mind-boggling reason, and as such, they are forever wanting to defend their endearing roly poly little critters against my vehement slander.

But a potato bug is another story my friends. The last time I saw one I was about six, and my older brother found one in the yard. It was all nestled into a hole, on its back, and when we peered at at, the gruesome fucking thing reared its head and screamed, and by God, it had its eyes trained on us! I am not kidding. So abhorrent are these beasts that even though I have often wondered if my childhood memory bore any resemblance to reality, I have refused to look them up. For 24 years. Until today. After it came up in the session, Quinn's interest was piqued and he felt a great need to see one, so I cleverly convinced myself that doing so would be our science for the day (hooray Mom!). I literally trembled as I typed the words into Google, and I quickly prayed to die as I hit go. And there they were. A whole page of these monsters, all ready to hiss, curse, and look at us. Naturally I felt them crawling all over me, and Quinn too shuddered from head to toe. But we looked. We were brave. And now we want to share them with you, if you think you can stand it. I do have to qualify this by saying that they are 1,000% uglier, meatier, and crunchier in person, when they are screeching obscenities at you. But at least this way you're safe. Can you dig it? Potato bug. Sow Bug.


mamakendra said...

Your talking about the devils fetus? Jeruselum Crickets? They are SOO cool. We saved one from another ::shudder:: freaked out ex-friend in CA (she wanted to VACUUM it up, how LAME is that?) and caught one in our own backyard. I have pics of 5 yo Morgan gleefully holding next to his face, on his arm, on his cheek....(evil laughter....)

B Kinch said...

In honor of your post, I made potatoes au gratin with ham (sow) for dinner. Of course, I'll be eating steamed dirt or whatever, but everyone else will be having the potato-sow casserole.

mental chatter said...

Yeah, they are pretty gross. They might even be uglier than Muppets. Maybe. The jury is still out......
(I have goosebumps, and not the good kind, after looking at those pictures!)

Cheyenne said...

kendra, um, i really don't know what to say, except that if i found one i would move.

b- steamed dirt? are you crazy? dirt is where the f***ing things LIVE!!!

Cheyenne said...

yes, they are uglier than muppets, but you wouldn't have to deal with an angry mob if you ground one into the pavement. (nice knowing you baby beaw!)

you would, however, have to deal with kendra and bug-loving B.

gail said...

potato bug - GROSS! roly-poly - not so much. i think OR was fairly bug free compared to CA. i am worried what i will discover in CO.

Adam said...

Actually, sow bugs are the flattish, pale little soft ones that live under logs and can't curl up into a ball. The ones most commonly called "Potato Bugs" here, are actually "pill bugs" according to the experts.

I did a little research on the issue to clear Oregon's good name, and found that, in fact, many states refer to these little creatures as potato bugs. I found data taken by one very scientific poll on "the regional slang for those odd little bugs that curl into balls." "Potato bug" ranked higher than "sow bug" in every state except for California and Arkansas.

"Pill bug" being the right answer was 2nd place, but was unfortunately steamrolled by "Rolypoly".

Of course, I can't deny the google-image method clearly favors your Jeruselum Crickets in the "Potato Bug" race. A quick calculation on my part showed them at an astounding 97%. But we may yet see a change in the tide after the super-delegates are counted.

Yes We Can!!!

Cheyenne said...

a) jerusalem*

b) well duh, i'm from california, hence my calling them potato bugs. and them arkansans may not know theys pa from theys ma, but they know a po-tay-to bug when they sees one. goll dang!

c) i can't believe having teeth ripped from your head doesn't compromise your brilliance. fuck you. :)

Hennifer said...

Ok, bugs of any time in mass quantity are gross! (assembled images counting as mass quantity)

I've never seen a real potato bug that I can think of and I would certainly scream if I did!

I liked the "rolypoly" bug as a child but my squeamishness increases with age.

THE PHONES said...

ewww. Those are scary. I had no idea there was a difference between the 2.

Sam said...

I certainly don't have anything to add to the conversation. But wanted to express my appreciation to the participants for a true LOL moment.

Thank you so much!

And I'll be squashing any potato bugs I may find... they are nasty.