Friday, February 29, 2008

i might rather pour honey on my head

Late at night I become susceptible to a sort of ethereal reasoning and say and do things that feel monumentally wise at the time, and then in the morning I want to slit my throat.

Tonight, I'm copping to the fact that I hate the Gilbert House. That's right, I hate it. I know my crunch factor just dropped by ten thousand recycled hemp points, and I don't even care. I know I'm supposed to dress my kids in uncoordinating Hanna Andersson sweat suits until they are fifteen, and encourage them to memorize every exhibit, if not create some of them, and I know I ought to spend every sunny day there. But I just can't. Because I hate it. I'll try to restrict my explanation, as I've already hogged most of cyberspace tonight, but okay, I can't handle not being able to see my kids for thirty minutes at a time. Nor am I fond of them disappearing into some labyrinth of broken necks, into which I could not fit if I tried, and would therefore fail at rescuing them. (If you're wondering if know I'm crazy, I do, and I take a lot of pills, but I can't shake the pervasive safety phobia.)

Fortunately for my kids, we have a lot of friends who guilt me into going, paying little mind to my delicate mental state. The kids instantly enter that cage/maze/chamber, and are not be seen for half an hour, when they emerge asking for hot dogs, another fear of mine. So we go, and they run, which is wonderful, and they visit the exhibits and punch and choke each other in the shadow room, and I try to get a colorful educational vibe rather than a dank desperate vibe. I know one mom who agrees with me, and she had BETTER come forth in unity, for I fear after this gets posted, she may be my only friend left.

I don't want to get too detailed about why I'm uncomfortable there, because 40% of my friends either built it, or run it, or consider it a member of their family, and I'm not aiming to hurt anyone. But it's specifically configured to choke and/or hide your child(ren). I always want to take everyone into the baby room and sit safely amongst the shape sorters, but nine year olds are prohibited, and they get pissed when you try to hold them there. They want to be slopping around in that sticky bubble bullshit, or assembling people's garbage into crafts that must be brought home and cherished forever. I just can't take it. But, I'm a mom, first and foremost, and I shan't deny my kids these liberties just because I'm scaredy cat with ocd. So, if you're not busy setting fire to my house for this act of treason, and you happen to be headed to AC Gilbert's soon, and everyone else on your list turned you down, and you hate me, go ahead and call me. We'll probably come.


gail said...

why do i feel like a big finger is pointing to ME through the computer as i read the part about 'she had BETTER come forth'? yeah, the gilbert house has always been a love/hate relationship for me, mostly hate. i must qualify that by saying the kids and i loved the classes they took there, and the outstanding teachers (do i earn some recycled hemp points for that?). the smelly bubble room, germy EVERYTHING, and labyrinthine play structure, not so much.

Brandy Kinch said...

I love everything about the G house, except for the cost. I love that the kids are occupied, using their major muscle groups, meeting other kids, doing messy art stuff and not telling me they are bored. But, $5.50 per ticket is a rip and if my mom hadn't bought us a membership, we wouldn't go. They used to not charge for toddlers and now they do, which also irritates me. Anyway, your post reminded me of that once at co op when Rei complained that there wouldn't be time for her to complete a second messy gooey craft before going home and you answered, "No complaining. If it was up to me we'd all just be at home washing our hands." :)

mamakendra said...

yeah! others come forth! i really only like the shopping room for hayden & logan, the rest i am unimpressed with. i LOVE the outside, where my boys can play for HOURS. usually though, i send my husband to endure the long stretches of outside play, and i get to stay home and clean in peace.

i like what you did w/ your drawers. nice.

Sam said...

Hm. I also am not enamored of the place. I can survive with the kids in that towering maze for about 10 minutes, and then start having heart palpitations. I usually end up in there with them.

So you're not alone. Apparently, our opinion is not the favored one, so we're just quiet about it.


Chey said...

quiet? what's that?