Monday, September 7, 2009


These are the ten funniest texts currently in my inbox, in no particular order:

-"Cammy says it is all night and I can still come but Papa is like no bla bla bla and I need to go!"--Reilly, trying to con us into taking her to Stayton for a slumber party.

-"Fuck the universe!"--Jennifer Ruks. Not used in a funny context but so out of character I've been given permission to use it.

-"They taste like ass. And not just any ass. Like the ass of a very large homeless man who has not bathed or been able to use a proper toilet in several weeks. That kind of ass, mixed with egg salad made with rancid mayo and a bit of chocolate meringue on top. Not so good."--Karen, saved from a few months ago, in response to my asking her to give me a reason not to buy cloves. Obviously I've neither smoked nor eaten nor walked downtown nor spoken to Karen since.

-"Ohmygoddddd I loves you the best and you know it bitch."--Debe

-"Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz."--Reilly, trying to finagle some hella complicated plan. I asked why she wrote that and she said, "Because I didn't know what else to say." Ha ha ha!

-"Do it in person to maximize the awkwardness."

-"OMG matte finish. hahahahahejdrktfujdikjejrhufc! Don't fuck it up by eating fucking gross tomatoes later."--Debe

-"Hella flashing your grill in your robe. You so gangsta."

-"The running man!"--Emily

-"OMG I want a 7ft. Jesus in my house, how awkward is that?"--Debe


Mesina said...

LOL! These were great! No one sends me such interesting texts. Btw, Reilly's texts were so hilarous and Debe wanting a 7ft Jesus in her house made me nearly choke on breakfast. HAHAHA!

mental chatter said...

A 7ft Jesus! Yeah, I nearly choked on that one too. Funny!

How are those cloves? ;)

Cheyenne said...

I wouldn't know, you ruined them for me along with large homeless men and chocolate meringue. Bitch.

7ft. Jesuses are the best, can't wait to tell you the story. :)