Monday, September 7, 2009
These are the ten funniest texts currently in my inbox, in no particular order:
-"Cammy says it is all night and I can still come but Papa is like no bla bla bla and I need to go!"--Reilly, trying to con us into taking her to Stayton for a slumber party.
-"Fuck the universe!"--Jennifer Ruks. Not used in a funny context but so out of character I've been given permission to use it.
-"They taste like ass. And not just any ass. Like the ass of a very large homeless man who has not bathed or been able to use a proper toilet in several weeks. That kind of ass, mixed with egg salad made with rancid mayo and a bit of chocolate meringue on top. Not so good."--Karen, saved from a few months ago, in response to my asking her to give me a reason not to buy cloves. Obviously I've neither smoked nor eaten nor walked downtown nor spoken to Karen since.
-"Ohmygoddddd I loves you the best and you know it bitch."--Debe
-"Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz."--Reilly, trying to finagle some hella complicated plan. I asked why she wrote that and she said, "Because I didn't know what else to say." Ha ha ha!
-"Do it in person to maximize the awkwardness."
-"OMG matte finish. hahahahahejdrktfujdikjejrhufc! Don't fuck it up by eating fucking gross tomatoes later."--Debe
-"Hella flashing your grill in your robe. You so gangsta."
-"The running man!"--Emily
-"OMG I want a 7ft. Jesus in my house, how awkward is that?"--Debe