Tuesday, April 8, 2008

i crown thee fat


You may have noticed, I am rarely mistaken for Heidi Klum, or any of her uber-glam friends. Despite the euphemisms you've all been so gracious as to extend, the plain and simple and bitter truth is, I am fat. Obese, if you want to be technical. I have only dwelled within the plus-sized realm in the years since Reilly's birth, and I think subconsciously I've been expecting to just shrink back down to my pre-baby size, which was quite thin. To expedite the process, and as a pre-celebration, I've indulged in 500 calorie coffees, and entire boxes of donuts, just knowing my old body was right around the corner, when in fact, my current body reaches around the corner, lol.

B and I lost 30 pounds apiece last spring, just eating with common sense and dancing. (Please, no one conjure up an image of me dancing. I shall be forced to kill us both.) So we know we can do it. We just always cave in situations wherein we are: A) out and about, B) in, C) sad, D) happy, E) deserving. So you can see our dilemma. B has joked, after so many false starts, that "We need a ceremony or something." So this is it. I'm announcing in front of all our friends/enemies/lurkers, that as of now we are 100% committed to dropping some serious weight. No excuses.

In lieu of the gifts lavished upon royalty at a real ceremony such as this, all we ask is that none of you nosh anything sweet/salty/bready/carby/delicious/marginally palatable in our presence. We'll be eating lettuce wrapped in lettuce, and it would really mean a lot to us if you'd do so in solidarity. No seriously, break out the Twinkies if you must. We're going hard-core, and we won't even wince.

(But I might slash your tire...)

8 comments:

B Kinch said...

I'm hungry.

Adam said...

Not even a Lindt White Coconut bar?

THE PHONES said...

I'm working on losing some more weight too. I lost 100 pounds after dd was born and have been creeping up ever so slightly since the holidays.

gail said...

i HATE lettuce wrapped in lettuce! i'll be eating healthy right along with you :) you girls can do it!

Cheyenne said...

Emily--100 pounds?!? Wow! I can't imagine you needing to, you are so beautiful and perfectly-shaped! That is how much I need to lose, what was your secret? Were there ANY cupcakes involved???

Major kudos, btw.

THE PHONES said...

Dd was sensitive to wheat and dairy until she was 7 months old so that plus no sugar and breastfeeding (and I did sort of a minor jogging program) did the trick. .Ideally I'd like to get off another 30-50 pounds before having another kidlet.

Cheyenne said...

You might want to catch a few hours sleep before adding to the brood, no?

:)

THE PHONES said...

That's the deal - I told dh I want close to a year of good sleep before considering another.