thumbs down for 'up'

I'm just gonna say it. Shrek ruined me for all kids' movies. I mean, to be honest, even the sequels left me wanting. For the most part, the allure of kid flicks is lost Quinn and Reilly, but every once in a while they catch the fever and we find ourselves writhing through Ratatouille.

Praise be to Jesus that my dear Mom has taken it upon herself to treat the kids to these movies. I can very seldom sit still as it is, but between admission ($40 just for my ticket), and a bottle of water ($10.50), and some candy for the kids ($30), plus having to silence my cell phone, yeah, I am not a happy camper. Obviously I fake it for my kids, but my mom really enjoys it with them, so it just works out much better.

Yesterday wasn't a great day. I hadn't finished all my cleaning, I was unshowered (at 3:30pm), with an assortment of things on my mind, and Mom calls and says she's coming to pick us up in 15 minutes to see Up. I'd seen some buzz on facebook so I thought, eh, okay. Quinn and I tag-teamed through the shower, dressed, and both moped to the car with mostly wet hair, but happy-ish nonetheless. Mom shone in her grandmotherly glory, with the added coup of successfully dragging her curmudgeonly daughter to some kid movie.

We arrived with 1 liter bottles of pop poking out of everywhere, and then Mom insisted on getting a bin of popcorn for SEVEN FUCKING DOLLARS! Seven dollars! We walked the length of the grapevine highway to our theater and took our seats. Every preview lasted so long I thought it was the movie, and I felt my facade start to slip. A recent discussion at Pamela's house got me to thinking about all the bodily functions and debris that have touched these chairs, and I had to go to my happy place.

The movie: Okay, I will grant that Pixar has knocked a few out of the park. Toy Story for instance. However, I've noticed of late that so much attention is put into every bit of stubble that it is overlooked that the main character looks like quasimoto built out of Legos. His head was the size of Rhode Island, and his comedic foil was a young boy who looked like he had serious thyroid and/or glandular issues. Now, I am easily won over by ten million rainbow coloured balloons but my brain just can't process the juxtaposition of the incredible details, against the fact that no human on earth is shaped like either one of the main characters.

Also, someone dies. What?

So this odd duo embark upon the most implausible journey ever concocted, fighting a torturous battle against foe that could only have been inspired by mind altering drugs, and it ends the way you think it will, about 45 minutes after you hope it will. Thankfully, Jennifer's car stereo got ripped off (sorry Jennifer xoxo), so I didn't fall asleep.

Anyway, I'm a tough customer, what with the cost, the diseases, the misshapen heads. But my kids enjoyed it. I could tell Quinn was semi-indifferent, and we went home and watched US Marshals, but Reilly genuinely liked it, mostly because of the animals.

Just as she is a top-notch grandma, my mom knows just how to put the spring in my step: The Old Navy antidote. We had a blast. They were having a massive sale so we got ridiculous. And, after I spent a half an hour contemplating (read: wearing) a heinous faded denim jacket, the Indigo Girls called to say I had gone overboard, hands off their look, and to exit the store immediately.

So I figured, if I could give serious enough consideration to this disgusting, too-short, 80's relic that just about brought Michael Jackson back to life, I could forgive Pixar for the shapes of the heads in their movie.

It was a good day.