I'm just beginning the third week of my new lifelong, do-not-pass-go, no-possibility-of-parole, sentence of eating essentially Top Ramen and wheat germ for the rest of my life. I survived the first week because B baked me some uber-healthy muffins which were definitely dense in that earthy way, but very tasty. Ever the lazy bastard, I basically just ate those for every meal. Then I got all motivated and started making salsadillas for lunch. (Avocado and salsa on a corn tortilla, sans cheese [oh cheese].)
Week two found me in a compromised mental state, so I checked into Chez Kinch, where I slept and slept and slept and was awakened for custom-made treats such as the best wraps in the world, delectable scones, meat charred to perfection, an assortment of potatoes (with real commercial ketchup!), and so much more. I had approximately 1.5 brain cells functioning, and never did I strain them to think about what to eat.
Back at the home front, I am the first one up today and in need of nourishment so I can take my pills, so I don't go crazy, yada yada yada. I hunted Like Man vs. Wild for some grub (even a real grub would do), but alas, all I can find is sourdough bread, chocolate donuts, yogurt, pudding, bagels, protein powder (can't have the whey), waffles, and a spider in the corner above me. Now, we know what Bear Grylls would do. He'd roast the spider over a match and then wash it down with his own urine, or whose ever urine happened to be lying around his neck in a snake skin. But this is a tiny spider, not enough to chase down my 1,105 pills. We all know I don't cook, but there isn't much here even if I did. I can't have pot roast for breakfast, nor soup, that's just wrong. All my avocados went bad the week I was spent at B's, stupid bastards. On the bright side, today is grocery day, but I don't even know what to put on the list. I think my cooking retardation ought to entitle me to a handicap tag for my car. I so desperately want the sourdough toast. Damn you all. And coffee? We'd better not even go there, lest I kill someone.
Fuck it, I just won't take the pills. Then I'll have another breakdown and go back to B's. Take that Bear Grylls.